It's difficult when you're broken down to gain back the confidence you once had, especially when there are often little things still there to haunt you, & this is something I've been working toward since day one.
No makeup, hair up & just crawling in bed, but I feel beautiful & that's a feeling I've had to fight for.
So there you have it. Stop feeling selfish for doing things for you & stop telling yourself that you aren't "worth it." You are.
It all makes sense, but knowing that doesn't always make the first, second or even third step easier. So as you explore the choices that you made yesterday, knowing that you would make the same decision tomorrow & the next day & the next, it's alright to be sad; it's alright to cry when everything has changed.
While bittersweet, I've started pondering my new life. What do I want? Well, besides the list that's provided a few pages over, I am starting to figure it out. It's actually pretty easy if you just ask yourself, "What will make me happy?"
Tonight I turn 25 & it's within just the past five years that I've learned the most, about myself & the world around me. There have been moments of incredible love & moments of devastating heartbreak, times of unbelievable triumph & times of struggle, & there have been obstacles that I never thought I could possibly move past that I was somehow able to hurdle over.
Though I am young, I am thankful for every memory that I have & I do not have one regret, only a burning list within me to light my way.
There are moments when we find ourselves facing the obstacle of a lifetime; a mountain that looks greater than anything we could possibly conquer & a backpack that seems to get heavier every step of the way. The light in the distance is not always there... & we wonder if we can possibly make it to the other side.
With each day comes a new milestone, & while I do not know if I've just crossed over the summit, or if I'm already a few steps down, I know for a fact that I've reached the other side. I can feel it.
There are still moments when I'm amazed at how we change, learn & grow from everything that happens around us. Just within this past week in Baja, I was able to really understand where I'm standing today & why. I've been empowered & I was constantly reminded of just how strong I am.
I've broken a barrier that I didn't know was even there & I've challenged myself to consider how my life would be without the obstacles that I've encountered... extremely dull & sadly riskless.
There are so many people in this world that only see it as a negative reality; a place where things don't work out. My opinion of the world is so different, because all I see is opportunity. Those rare things that don't work out... I'm able to say that I gave those amazing opportunities absolutely everything that I had. No regrets whatsoever.
There was a part of me that was holding on to something with an incredible certainty & one day that certainty was lost. When you've been working toward something for so long; when you've been dreaming about something with everything you have & that dream shatters on the floor, it's hard not to panic. It's hard to not drop to your knees & gather the pieces frantically searching for something to hold it all together.
Every day we wake up & fight. Some days, we know know exactly what we are fighting for, but most of the time, we don't. We are fighting for a possibility, a hope, a blind reality.
And some don't know that it's always worth it.
Every day, I wear a ring that's twisted once in the middle with "Nothing is Impossible" engraved on it. Every day, I wear it subconsciously thinking that it will somehow change the situation that I'm in; that it will make me braver & stronger than I already am. It's this $7 ring that empowers me to keep moving forward when I'm not quite sure I can take another step; it's this symbol alone that reminds me to take action when I find it difficult to consider all of the things that have changed.